The Princess Chi Chi
by Bellebet
Summary: A child asks for a story and gets a wild tale with Swords, Pirates, and True Love. Starring the folks from DBZ.
1. Once Upon a Time...

_Grandfather: Hey kiddo. Hear that you're sick._

Billy: Yeah. Any chance you could tell me a story?

Grandfather: Well, I was going to give you this new Playstation 2, but if you want a story, I guess I'll give you one of those instead.

Billy: No wait! I want the PS2!

Grandfather: Too late. Once upon a time...

Billy: Crap.

Once upon a time, in the far off land of Florin, there lived a beautiful girl. Her name was Buttercup.

_Billy: Hold it! Since I'm not getting the PS2 from you, can I at least have a story about what I want?_

Grandfather: And that'd be?

Billy: Dragonball Z. I want a story with the DragonBall Z characters.

Grandfather: If I do this, will you shut up about the Playstation 2 that'll look so good in my living room?

Billy: ::grumble:: Yeah.

Grandfather: Okay then

Once upon a time, in the far off land of Florin, there lived a beautiful girl. Her name was Chi Chi. Her favorite pastimes were fighting, and picking on the farm boy. His name was Goku.

All day, Chi Chi would think of different chores for Goku. "Farm boy, go get me some wood for dinner."

"Um, sure! Okay!"

"Farm boy, fix my punching bag. The sawdust is leaking out."

"Um, sure! Okay!"

"Farm boy, put out the flames on Fire Mountain."

"Um, sure! Okay!"

One day, Chi Chi realized that when the farm boy said, "Um, sure! Okay!" what he really meant was "Um, sure! Okay!" because Goku was extremely innocent. But, she also realized he did all these things without complaining because he loved her. Soon after, Chi Chi returned his love.

_Billy: Wait! Is this a kissing book?_

Grandfather: Someday you may not mind the kissing parts.

Billy: No, no. I want to know if theyyou knowdo it.

Grandfather: You got a sick mind, kiddo. No they don't "do it." Not in this story.

Goku had no money for marriage, so he had to leave Chi Chi to fight in a tournament, far across the sea. Their parting was very difficult for both of them. 

"You'll come back for me, right?" pleaded Chi Chi, as her eyes blinked back tears. "Please say you'll come back."

Goku cupped her face in his hands. "Look at me. I promise I'll come back. Just like I promised I'd marry you someday."

"But how can you be sure?"

"I've watched The Princess Bride' a lot. I know how it ends."

And with that, Goku left. But he never made it to the tournament. He was captured and killed by the Dread Pirate Roberts, for the Dread Pirate Roberts never left prisoners. When Chi Chi heard the news, she locked herself in her room, not sleeping, not crying, not cooking, and vowed that she would never love again.

Five years later, every peasant gathered in the courtyard of Prince Vegeta. "Human peasant scum! As your Prince, I must have an heir. One month from now, I will mate with one who is strong enough to bear my bloodline. She is pretty for a weak human woman. I give you Princess Chi Chi! Come out, woman!"

Out came Chi Chi, dressed in a splendid royal kimono. Her beauty had grown in the past five years, but her heart remained cold. And although she was to marry Prince Vegeta, she did not love him.

_Grandfather: So, what do you think of the story with your Dragonball characters?_

Billy: I think it sucks, old man.

Grandfather: That's it, I'm coming back tomorrow to tell you more!

Billy: Why can't you tell me now?

Grandfather: Because I'm going home to play with my new PS2 smart-ass!

Billy: Crap!

Okay, my first part of my first fan fic. Goofy? Yes, but I'm in a goofy mood. Tell me what you think, and who'd you'd cast in the other Princess Bride rolls. I have my own Ideas, let's see if they match. Until next time!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any part of DBZ or Princess Bride. I'm not making money off of this, so please don't sue. This is a work of fiction.


	2. The Cliffs of Insanity

__

The next day

Billy: Hey, Grandpa, I've been waiting for you all day.

Grandfather: I see. When you want something, it's Grandpa, but when you could give a rat's ass, it's old man.

Billy: I'm sorry about yesterday. Really.

Grandfather: You still ain't getting my PS2, kiddo.

Billy: ::grumble mumble:: Then could you please tell the rest of the story? I'll be good.

Grandfather: Well

After Prince Vegeta's proclamation, Chi Chi went out into the nearby forest to shadow spar. She was so caught up in what she was doing that she nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard a voice behind her.

"Pardon me, miss?"

****

"AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!" Chi Chi grabbed the voice's owner around the throat, and was about to hurl him skywards. Quickly, she regained her composure, and placed the small blue man back on solid ground. "Sorry! My bad."

"Quite alright," Pilaf said, dusting himself off. "As I was about to ask. My associate Piccolo and I are on our way to the local martial arts tournament, and were hoping you'd know the way?"

"Martial arts tournament? There hasn't been one around here in years."

"Perfect. Then I guess there will be no one around to come to your defense now, will there? 16?" Before Chi Chi could react, a huge hand smothered her nose and mouth, cutting off her air supply. And then, all was black.

The goliath named 16 had Chi Chi slung over his shoulder and the blue midget Pilaf in his arms. "He looked down at his second charge. "Why are we doing this again?"

"Imbecile! We are kidnapping the princess so that Vegeta has an excuse to blow Guilder off the map and into the next dimension."

"Why does Vegeta need an excuse?" Piccolo mused aloud, flying slightly behind the giant.

"Do I pay either of you two mooks to think? NO! I hired 16 to be the big, scary strong guy, and I hired you to be the suave and silent type. And you're not being silent now!" Piccolo simply shrugged. Normally, he wouldn't take this type of verbal abuse from anyone. However, Pilaf tended to pay very well, and in cash.

Pilaf chuckled to himself. Oh, how he wished he were a fly on the wall when Vegeta saw his fiancée's body dead on the Cliffs of Insanity. Starting wars was a very honorable position, but you never really got to be there to see them start. Well, maybe if 16 hovered far above the carnage–

"Pilaf!" Piccolo shouted. "I think we're being followed. I just saw a flash of light behind us.

"Inconceivable! No one knows we're flying towards Guilder. And besides, how would they follow us? It's probably just a flock of birds."

"I doubt a flock of birds has that type of ki pattern. And it's gaining."

"Well, whatever it is, it's too late! The Cliffs of Insanity are dead ahead."

Piccolo squinted behind him. "I think it's a human. I can't tell. It's all in black."

"So? Take care of him over the cliffs. Make sure he doesn't follow the princess and us."

The Namek stopped, hovering above the cliffs. "I'm going to fight him with my weighted turban and cape on."

"Why in Kami's name would you want to do that? Just finish the thing!"

"If I fight him unweighted, it's over too quickly. I need a fight that's a challenge."

"Fine, whatever! Just meet up with us after! We're having sponge cake and wine back at my place." 16 flew past the horizon with his passengers, leaving Piccolo alone to face the Man in Black.

As the Man in Black zoomed ever closer, Piccolo crossed his arms and examined his opponent. For a human, the man seemed rather formidable. He had to be at least six feet tall, not counting the sprongs of black hair that shot in every direction. A black mask hid his face and a large black sack was slung over his shoulder. And his ki level was incredible! Piccolo didn't think humans could reach that power, even with the proper training.

When the Man in Black got within twenty feet of Piccolo, he stopped to hover in mid-air as well. "Hi there!" the human chirped. " I think your friends have something of mine." The Namek dropped into a fighting stance. "Oh, you're here to stop me, right?" Piccolo nodded once. "Well, that's great! I haven't had a good fight in quite some time. But would you mind terribly if I had a snack first?"

"Obviously, you're in no particular rush," Piccolo sneered.

"Actually, I am, but I'm really hungry. I have some to spare too, if you want to share." 

The green warrior was taken aback. Not only did the Man in Black want to eat before dying, but also he was willing to share? Cautiously, Piccolo looked around for signs of Pilaf and 16. Well, the blue midget _did_ want him to stall the Man in Black. What harm could it do resting for a few minutes before fighting? Again, Piccolo nodded.

__

Billy: They're taking a lunch break?

Grandfather: That's what it says in the book.

Billy: What book? You're making this up as you go along.

Grandfather: True, but you're still listening to this, aren't you. So shut up.

As both warriors settled onto the Cliffs of Insanity, the Man in Black opened up his sack. Inside was enough food to feed a small army. The Man in Black offered Piccolo a cheese sandwich, which was politely declined. The human shrugged, and began stuffing his face, not able to eat fast enough. 

"Ahem. I do not mean to pry, but you don't happen to have purple skin, do you?" 

The man stopped in mid-munch. "Droo roo auwys strr conrrrrsatons rrrke thsss?"

"Excuse me?"

The man swallowed his food hastily. "I said, do you always start conversations like this?" The Man in Black took off one of his gloves, showing nothing but a perfectly normal, human hand, without the slightest traces of purple.

"Sorry," Piccolo grumbled. "It's just that my planet was destroyed by a purple-skinned man."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Well, It's not like I actually lived there for quite some time. But still, it's the only home I knew of. I've been searching most of my lifespan for him."

"Did you ever find him?"

"Sir, if I had found him, do you really think I'd have just asked you that question?" The Man in Black shrugged. Piccolo muttered under his breath. "I'm obviously dealing with a genius here."

"Well, what're you going to do when you find him?"

"Ah! That I have all planned out. I'm going to go up to him and say, Hello, my name is Piccolo. You killed my planet. Prepare to die.' And then I'm going to kick his ass." The Namek drove his fist into his open palm to drive the point home.

The Man in Black nodded. "Sounds like a good plan."

Piccolo's opponent stood up then, brushing off all the stray crumbs from his shirt and mask. "Wow, that was a good snack! But I really have to go rescue Chi Chi from the short blue guy and the big guy. Do we still have to fight?" The green warrior nodded. True, he was paid to fight the Man in Black, but it seemed like such a shame to beat such an idiot. He promised himself he'd kill the Man in Black quickly.

The Man in Black and the Namekian squared off, each bowing to the other as if it was a tournament. And the fight began.


End file.
